Of The Caine Prize, Plagiarists and 300K per Month

This week on twitter, Binyavanga Wainana lashes out at the Caine prize. Says we attach way too much importance to it and it's not as important as we say and we need to dilute it because we are Africans and we are writers and bla bla bla.
Well, I think he's wrong. I've never come close to having an entry sent in for the Caine prize, I don't know that I ever will, so I'm just writing this as a follower of the prize. I think it's fantastic. It's fantastic because I don't know of any other African prize that does so much not just monetarily but also in exposing to the world talented writers that would probably not have had a look in ordinarily. Take Noviolet Bulawayo and her short story 'Hitting Budapest' that won the Caine in 2011, I think; and subsequently, her book 'We Need New Names' that got nominated for the Man Booker Prize making her the first black African Woman to ever get nominated, for a good example. This is the importance of exposing African writing and writers to a wider audience which is what the Caine Prize tries to achieve most importantly. I am surprised that Binyavanga Wainana, who once was a beneficiary of this Caine Prize exposure says/is saying differently. Hardly will you find a writer from Africa who is doing well enough that has not benefited one way or another from the Caine Prize, either from being shortlisted or even winning it. His argument, I think (as it was difficult to follow his tweets) was that African writers wash up to the (foreign) Caine Prize, which isn't doing enough to deserve to be washed up to... My opinion is that there is no other literary Prize in Africa that does as well as the Caine Prize. When you set up your own literary award that does everything, then you can tell us to stop loving the Caine Prize. But for now, don't. That's it.

This week on twitter and the Nigerian blogosphere in general, plagiarism. It's kind of a long story and in order to understand this, you have to understand the long story. So I'll try and summarize and give links so you understand. Okay! It all started about a week ago when a man known simply and smartly only on twitter as @MrAyeDee accused Nigeria's number one gossip blogger (who, by the way, is one of my favourite cos she's smart and understands her readers) Linda Ikeji of stealing his intellectual property, simply put, Linda plagiarized his work, she did. Well, after AyeDee tried his utmost to call her out or gain her attention and failed severely probably because Linda was ignoring him or whatever, he decided to report the conundrum to Google, Google then decided to block/take down Linda's blog. And then Linda's fans hauled insults at AyeDee and AyeDee's fans hauled insults at Linda and it was fantastic and entertaining drama for the guys in the middle, like yours truly.
Crazy things happen at night, so at night apparently, Linda and AyeDee had a chat online, like they IMed each other or whatever. Anyway, it turns out that they actually had been friends for like, ever and they had been IMing since like, before God created Heaven and Earth and then suddenly Linda stopped returning AyeDee's IMs and according to Linda, here, AyeDee felt he wasn't getting enough attention from Linda and so sought to bring Linda down. This is my opinion, I like Linda Ikeji, but she plagiarized, that is a sin, a big sin. Google, for this, took down her blog, then they returned it to her. Why did they take it down in the first place then? Google ehn... sometimes they misbehave sef!

Finally, this week on twitter, a lady known sweetly(no pun intended) as @Sugabelly, who actually was one of Linda Ikeji's antagonist in chief, for good reasons, Linda also plagiarized her stuff one time - did I tell you that Linda has been a serial plagiarist? I digress. Anyway, Sugabelly tweeted here and I quote: "To be perfectly honest. You're poor if you make less than N300,000 per month. Not even joking." And then the floodgates of abuses and vitriolics opened. I think we are really fucked up in Nigeria, we abuse people too much and then we start abusing their parents and then we start calling them 'ashawo'. Lol! Anyway, I don't think she's right, or maybe she is slightly right. But then she went on to tweet that "If you make N70k and your potential husband or wife makes N80k, y'all should forget about getting married. Cos you can't raise kids."(rough quote) Okay, so for me, I don't really intend to get married, even if I get married, I don't intend to have kids, even if I have a kid, I don't intend to have more than one, even if I have more than one... and so on. So I'm speaking from a neutral point of view. Sugabelly's tweets maybe true but only for very few locations like the high brow areas in Abuja and in Lagos etc where the cost of school fees for a term is a million and the cost of eating a good meal at a restaurant is half a million. Abuja is a city that I generally consider to be for the rich but it doesn't work like that because poor people like myself also live there, and poorer people, too. So it's solely dependent on location. For instance, my parents didn't raise me while they made 300k per month, in fact, when I was little, going to school, their combined salaries wasn't even close to that and I don't think I turned out bad, or dull or stupid or not knowing how to cross the road or not knowing how to spell, did I? DID I? Yes, that was years ago and the value of money.then is not the value of money now yidiyada bla bla... The truth is, there are more poor people for whom N300,000 will make their whole year in Nigeria today, than rich people, for whom it's just change that they can blow on one dinner date or on champagne or on shawarma or on the Best Exotic Marigold Hotel... And Yes, I said 'blow.' I guess ultimately, it's a case of different strokes for different folks; but @Sugabelly generalized and that's probably what got people angry. For me, I just watched cos I do that a lot, and laughed at the people that had no lives and decided to start calling her names. Anyway, the lesson is this, Your 30thousand is someone else's 30million and your 30million is someone else's 30thousand, you see?
So there you have it. It's the first time I'm doing this 'week on twitter' thing. I'll probably do more if there are interesting weeks.

Till next time,, Keep dreaming!! 

Residues of Kubwa Camp — Three

So I've talked a little too much about the fantastic kinds of people one gets to meet and live with in camp. The people with beautiful or... unique (unique is a better word) behavioral qualities. Well, today, I intend to say a little bit more about these people, but not how brilliantly fantastic their behaviors are. I intend to thrash them, but just a little bit.
First, I have read a lot of pieces, (I almost started believing, even) about how most Nigerian graduates, especially ones that graduate from institutions in Nigeria, find it difficult to put together simple sentences. Well, thankfully, this is very false; though the average Nigerian graduate is far from being Cormack McCarthy, he also is, fortunately, far from being the president's wife, in terms of spoken English. Of course, it's true that you'd find some folks that are absolutely clueless and have no idea what a noun is, but those cases are few and far between.
We have this problem though: a lot of people, mostly girls have little self-worth (they believe that their God given accents does not allow for smooth passage of words and so they incorporate fake accents, the kind that they hear fat African American women speak with on Oprah. No disrespect to Oprah or fat African American women.) We shouldn't try to speak like anybody, we should just try to speak. 

In camp, you meet boys or men, so called, that have absolutely zero (0) respect for women. To them, women are properties, things that are meant for enjoyment, for merriment, for sex and nothing else. As a matter of fact, while I was standing quietly on the parade ground (cos I do that alot, stand quietly, watch and listen) during the second week of camp, I (over)heard two boys wondering to themselves why there were so many ladies and how these ladies  were wasting their time since eventually their place will be by their husbands. I didn't try to stop them from talking or to argue with them because I knew I'd have started an inexhaustible argument that would just go on and on and be stupid. A lot of men, even educated ones still think women are things. This is unfortunate because this is the 21st century and women stopped being things like, ten centuries ago?

The next problem is the problem of corruption. This is unapologetic. While you can't blame these young people for what corruption has done to them, you can't help but wonder what difference it will make when tomorrow comes and these so called leaders of tomorrow actually become leaders. Let me explain what I mean by corruption 1. A queue is never a straight line, it's usually a dome. Times when it's not a dome, it's like a snake with a giant head, you understand? Straight at the back but really large in front to allow people enter, thereby taking advantage of the patient ones standing at the back. They call this 'shunting' 2. All you need to do in order to get a favourable posting after camp is to know someone who is either someone or knows someone. Or better still, be friends with your platoon coordinator (we're all divided into platoons in camp) and it is done. The effect of this is that people who do not know people get to go to the crappiest places, doesn't matter how intellectually gifted they are. And the ones that are connected, no matter how dumb they are or how they do not know what a noun is, get posted to the best places. 3. If you're influential, you can skip camp altogether or come to camp whenever the hell you like or just for the heck of it, you can stay in camp and live in a flat with decent plumbing and a decent living room and have an Army man at your beckon while everyone else stay in hostels with forty other everyone elses and sleep on 2 inch mattresses and use crap 4 inch * 4 inch toilets with 120 other everyone elses and get ordered around by the army man at your beckon. Need I say more? See the inequality? And how deep the rot runs?

Finally, maybe the gravest, you get to see young people who ceaselessly waste their lives on frivolities: drugs. I have major issues with drug addicts and that's why I consider this the gravest of all. An addict is a man or a woman who is dying and dying faster than s/he can ever imagine. The degree of drug use is way louder than alarming and it's a monster problem that needs to be extinguished one way or another. The trouble with drugs is it gets more difficult to stop the longer it goes on, so let's hope a word will be enough for the wise(literally): STOP!

Till next time,, Keep dreaming!!

Residues of Kubwa Camp — Two

A lot of people have argued that the National Youth Service Corp, as a scheme in Nigeria, has outlived it's necessity. In other words, the scheme no longer has an evident use. At first, at inception of the NYSC, Nigeria had just put an end to the civil war the war had extinguished a lot of people and had perhaps sown a seed of hate among some Nigerians towards some others. And so to foster unity, the scheme was introduced by the leader of the nation at the time, Yakubu Gowon, I think.
For those that either aren't Nigerian or have no idea what the NYSC is, let me explain, briefly: After graduation from the university — Nigerian or otherwise — every Nigerian youth (assuming every graduate is a youth, which is quite an assumption, to be honest) is required to make himself/herself available for a compulsory year of National service where they'd be sent to an alien state, probably one that they've never been in. Here, they'd be exposed to various activities including an orientation camp, community development service and most importantly, at least as far as I'm concerned, a year of work, any kind, could be teaching, could be farming, could be whatever (it's teaching for most people,) So that's basically what the NYSC is.
I also used to be of the opinion that NYSC should be scrapped, but my opinion was from the outside, looking in. Now that I'm in, I think it's a very good scheme and I think it's purpose cannot be defeated. It's purpose is unification and as I explained in the prequel to this post, here, you meet, especially at camp, all sorts of people. Nigeria is a great country seasoned with fantastically excellent cultures as well as individuals. The scheme unites people, it still does and it probably will not stop.
Fine, the NYSC at times defines gross mismanagement. Fine, there are more people coming out of school than the scheme, maybe even the government can handle, but still, still there's really no way one can isolate unification and  1. taking in and 2. understanding other people, other cultures, from the NYSC. 

That's all I have to say, for now.

Till next time,, Keep dreaming!!

Understanding Depression

Depression is an illness just like malaria or typhoid or cholera or HIV. People who are depressed do not need sleep to clear their heads, most times, they find it difficult to even sleep because insomnia usually accompanies depression. They need a doctor, a doctor who would not tell them to go home because there is nothing wrong with them. Depression is not a 'white man's disease' and frankly, there's no such thing as a white man's disease.
It's unfortunate that in Nigeria, we do not understand depression and we aren't ready to. In Nigeria, depression doesn't exist. You don't tell people that you're depressed here because they'd tell you to go to bed, 'sleep it off,' they'd say. As if depression is a mild headache that you get from laughing too much. In Nigeria, you don't tell people that you're afraid of heights and you've been since you were little. You don't tell people that you're claustrophobic and can't breath in the middle of a large crowd. These things are alien to people around here. But the earlier we realize how serious some of these things could get, the better for everyone.
What Is Depression?
Depression (clinical depression or unipolar depression) is actually a mental disorder characterized by consistent low mood accompanied by drooping self esteem. Things that a depressed person used to find interesting and fascinating suddenly becomes bland and boring.
The word 'depression' is a broad term and could mean either this disorder or many other variants of disorders that affect the mood.

Why Should We Take Depression Seriously
Here's a good reason, sixty (60) percent of all known cases of suicide have been done by people with clinical depression.
A depressed person is more likely to attempt to take his/her own life. I was watching the news last night and there was this story of a woman who hung from a tree, nobody knew what happened to her. Everyone woke up to find her there, dead, her neck, hanging from one of the branches of the tree. Imagine that she killed herself. Now imagine what was going on in her head just before she decided to. Now imagine that there was someone to help. Someone there to talk to her, perhaps make her smile, to talk her out of it. 
Symptoms
Depression affects mainly a patient's relationship with himself or herself, with family at work and with friends. Insomnia is known to be an accompaniment, as I mentioned earlier. At least 80% of depressed people have insomnia. Hypersomnia or oversleeping also occurs in some cases.
One tends no longer to enjoy and find happiness in things that used to bring enjoyment and happiness before onset of the disorder.  
Depressed people may have thoughts and feelings of worthlessness and self doubt. They may prefer to be alone because they believe they aren't needed and those kinds of things.
Can You Help?
Yes, of course you can. 
First and most importantly, if you are one that still hangs on to the old story, 'depression is not an illness, the boy doesn't know his problem. He's watched too many Hollywood movies.' You need to let go of that old story. You need to understand that if you keep thinking like that, you're sending him towards suicide. You need to accept the fact that depression is a disorder, like diabetes.
Secondly, don't judge, don't make too much noise, don't whine. A depressed person has a diminished self worth, being judgmental is only going to worsen the situation.
Learn as much as you can about the disorder. If you know a lot about it, you know how best to handle it.
Finally, be patient with people because you may think you're having a rough day until you meet a person slowly going through hell and slowly slipping away. Watch your mouth and be patient.

That's really all I have to say about this, for now. Depression is serious and it shouldn't be treated any less.

Till next time,, Keep dreaming!!

Residues of Kubwa Camp — One.

For the past twenty something days, I have been locked away at the Orientation Camp of the National Youth Service Corps in Kubwa, Federal Capital Territory. I had looked forward to the NYSC for a while prior, especially the orientation camp because of the flowery, fun things I'd heard about it. Unfortunately, there were really no flowers (and I mean that literally as well as figuratively), just a lot of change and things that I needed to adapt to if I was to survive. The weather, for instance, was far too cold and the rains were pouring down a little too much and we were always wearing very light, white shirts with white short knickers. And most nightmarish, I had to wake up at 3 AM consistently for those three weeks.  Pullovers were not allowed, no matter how cold the weather was. The most interesting and fascinating things about the camp were the extremely interesting people I got to meet. Folks of all kinds, the kinds of people I doubted existed. The girl, Jane, who never had anything good to say about anything (and I'm not even exaggerating), or Ken, who would refuse to spend his money to save his own life. The soldiers and Men o' War, even though for most of the time they dedicated themselves to making our lives hell, they were a bunch of fun: like the short, dark man o' war guy, man, actually who absolutely loved to sing and dance and call fat girls 'worwor' (ugly). Or the really old, close-to-retirement soldier, who we simply referred to as papi, who's first words in camp were 'Papi in the building.' The people were fun. The people are fun.
One thing I learnt and understood more than I had ever, one thing I am now 101 percent sure of is that Nigeria is a beautiful country seasoned with delicious people with absolutely fantastic cultures and behaviors. The average Nigerian does not really give a damn about the polity even though the polity is in shambles. The average Nigerian does not really care whether the person standing next to him is Hausa or Igbo or Yoruba or Oworo or Efik or whatever. I've learnt that the only reason ethnicity occurs to us, the only reason our differences, minute as they are, come up is because of the people we have leading us. All the recycled politicians that have been politicians since independence and will continue to be. But I'm not about to rant about Nigerian politicians. Not now.
I must applaud the idea behind the NYSC, it really is a brilliant scheme, a brilliant scheme whose existence is in serious threat, though. Corruption threatens to ruin it. I will explain with this analogy: The government provides money, say, 1500 Naira (this is the amount circulated in the usual corp member gossip. I'm not sure of it.) for one meal, for each corp member. Now 1500 Naira is a lot of money and could get you overfed and fat in twenty one days, but the meals actually given out are pathetic, disgraceful even. They're like rations handed to prisoners on death row, just enough to keep you alive, put something in your stomach and nothing more, like in Suzanne Collins' The Hunger Games, it's ridiculous. So most people settle for eating food that they'd pay for since this would actually satisfy them. Remember that the government purportedly gives 1500 Naira for one meal, so you wonder what happens to all that money. The organization needs to be looked into and maybe even revamped. I don't want to discuss the cows, but there's the thing about the cows, put your mind to work, guys.

There were lots and lots of stories that I jotted down in bits and pieces. Stories of the orientation camp and I plan to pour them all out here, in time. I'm not promising a series or a Sunday, Sunday tonic, or whatever. I'll be the first to admit that I am not regular around here enough to do that. However I will put down a few things as the months go by. They could be helpful to incoming corp members and they could make good reads to folks who aren't. So welcome to the RESIDUES OF KUBWA CAMP! See y'all next time.

Keep Dreaming! 

Money, The Church and The Men That Call God

If you believe that all 'Men of God' are faultless and every man (or woman) who picks up a Bible and ask people to give their lives to Christ is a saint and will automatically make heaven, this article (or whatever you choose to call it) is not for you. Slowly turn around and walk away. Come back next time when we have something that appeals to you. Thanks!

I reread (with an equal level of awe) the great Wole Soyinka's Jero Plays sometime ago; after I had watched an interview where he said and I roughly quote: 'Brother Jero now has a private jet with which he flies from country to country to continent. He's now an international figure and makes so much money.' Stuff along that line.

For those who have not read The Jero Plays, it is a couple of fantastically written plays about a crook prophet called Brother Jeroboam. The first one is titled Trials of Brother Jero, here, he ceaselessly comes up with ingenious ploys and schemes through which he gains undeserved appraisal and admiration from his members thereby easily defrauding them, too. He preys on the extreme and mostly blind religiousness of people who need God's intervention in a situation. The second is titled Jero's Metamorphosis, here is where Brother Jero probably lays the foundation for what Soyinka now calls 'an international figure.'
It is important at this point to add this caveat: there are real Men of God. There are people who are called by God to help spread His word. I know this for a fact and I know a few of them. The problem however is that there are more false, fake, evil, I-lack-words-to-describe-how-bad-they-are Men of God and prophets around. I heard, not very long ago, a story of a pastor in Nothern Nigeria who borrowed some money from a man and refused to payback. He began to hide and run away at the sight of the man that lent him money. This went on until one fine Sunday when this creditor decided that the best way to get back his money was to visit this pastor in his Church. Perhaps with his members, who hold him in high esteem around, he will behave himself and payback what he owes. The creditor was wrong. When he entered into the Church and the pastor saw him, the pastor(debtor) began to shout: Boko haram, Boko haram (Boko haram is a terrorist organization in Nigeria). The Church immediately swung into chaos, the creditor was now considered by everyone in the Church as a member of the sect boko haram, he was caught and brutally beaten to within an inch of his life. And then handed over to the police. 
Listening to stories like that makes one wonder what the world is becoming. As a matter of fact, that story sounds exactly like something Brother Jero will do.
This brings me to what I consider to be the REAL problem: money. The Church of God has been liquefied and diluted by money. There is too much money being circulated. The pastors have become way too rich so that they can afford jets upon jets upon jets. Don't get me wrong, I have not said Pastors should be paupers and I am not inferring anything along that line. This is simple common sense, because pastors are so wealthy, the job has become highly appealing to ordinary people who are just looking for ways to get rich. These people are not called by God, they call God and they do not really care if He answers or not. All they need to do is pick up a Bible and wear a fancy silver suit and voila! Prophet Frankenstein — casts out demons for a living.

The fact that we as a people are now at the mercy of our pastors is another problem. Many people no longer pray to God, they pray to their pastors. I witnessed this disgust as a student. It was our departmental fellowship and we had invited one of our lecturers to speak (I have no idea why he was chosen of all the lecturers in the department, to be honest). When he came, he started praying in the name of his father in the Lord and not in the name of the Lord Himself. What insolence, I thought. We need to take hold of the authority that God has given us. We need to become responsible for ourselves and our religiousness. Even the Bible has given us authority, each and every one of us. We need to stop depending on pastors for every little thing. I have nothing else to say about this. It is.solely up to us.

Till next time,, Keep dreaming!!

NB — Pray for Gaza, be human. Little kids are being killed on a daily basis. People are being displaced. Rockets, missiles flying back and forth, yet Israel will not stop.

— It's been exactly One Hundred and One days since over 200 Chibok girls were kidnapped. They're still with their captors. Bombs are going off every day in the North and it's coming closer down south. Pray for Nigeria!