It
is mostly society’s fault that our ideas and definitions of beauty are not
independent as I would argue that they should be. But how do you blame society
without blaming the individuals, the men and the women who make up society? I would
explain what society means, at least to me, and how I think it is capable of
influencing everything about personhood with a real life example. When I was an
undergraduate, my first semester in the university was a time I kept mostly to
myself because I was new and I did not know anybody. I only related with my brother
whom I lived with and my few friends with whom I got admitted. I usually would
not speak to any other person including my neighbours and even in church so
much that some church members thought that I was mute. It was not bad, I realize
now that I have never really loved the company of others, I don’t hate it,
sometimes, I prefer the company of others to the company of myself, but I don’t
love it. That first semester, I did okay academically. And then, as time went
by, and as people kept on complaining that I was way too into my shell and I needed
to come out and have some fun, I began to open up and to let others in and to
enjoy the company of neighbours and to enjoy going to church not because of God
but because of the people I would see when the service is over. I let society
in and society began to influence my decision to stay home and laugh at my
neighbours’ jokes even when I knew that I had lectures in an hour and I needed
to get prepared, or to stay outside and criticize the government or argue about
how a scientist is smarter than a lawyer and other thing that I would not do if
I was still inside my beloved shell. It told on me academically because my
result at the end of that semester was the worst throughout my years in school.
So yes, that is what society can mean and can do to you. I can’t blame my
neighbours and church members because it really had nothing to do with them, I wanted
to get out more and have some fun. Society sits down and waits for you then,
through others, it dissolves your own ideas and puts its own instead. That is
why the most beautiful lady most men can imagine is probably extremely light in
complexion. We automatically tend to become softer when confronted with a very light
skinned lady because we have been subconsciously programmed to prefer the light
skin, this softness is almost inexistent when we are dealing with a dark
skinned lady, because in our brains, there is really nothing special about her;
she’s just another lady. It is hard if you look at this from the perspective of
the dark skinned lady, it is hard to notice these walls that have been built
around you because you are a certain way and decide to do nothing about it;
which is why I now feel that I cannot blame anyone who decides to change her complexion
to a lighter one with the use of skin lightening creams. It is only a side-effect
of society’s preference for one colour of skin over the other. There’s the
first dragon for you, the light skin.
I
read on Bella Naija last night that the University don who sexually harassed a
young lady in the university of Ilorin some days ago had said that he was ‘set
up’ by his colleagues, who had been jealous of his ‘stardom’. That is funny
because there was evidence in form of an audio clip where he was saying things
to the unfortunate girl who was complaining, nearly crying, pleading with him, ‘stop
it… I don’t want it… I am on…’ and things like that. The man said, ‘it is
sexual harassment and not rape,’ in defence of himself. I feel it is funny that
he could even make a statement in the first place and then I feel he is stupid
for saying it is not rape but harassment, they are both forms of sexual assault
and he should be ashamed of himself because without things like sexual harassment,
there would be no such thing as rape. I am
a graduate student of that university and so I feel like I have a right to say
this, I don’t just think he should be relieved of his job as a lecturer, I think
he should be stopped from lecturing anybody anywhere for the rest of his life. And
a wall should be built around him so that he has no access to any other young
lady to harass. I feel very strongly about sexual assault because it is also a
dragon in society, the rate of underreporting of sexual assaults is the highest
among crimes because of the way society perceives it, almost always, the
response to a rape victim is ‘you should not have dressed like that… you
secretly wanted it… you probably enjoyed it… it is your fault.’ My thesis is on
this dragon called sexual assault and so for the next year or so I would be
doing some research on it. With people like this one who boastfully say things
like, ‘it’s just harassment not rape,’ I guess I have got my work cut out for
me.
*This
title, Men who love Dragons too much, is the title of a book at the Hogwarts
library which Harry consulted as he was about to go up against a dragon at the Triwizard
Tournament, it was unhelpful. Here, it depicts how we have these things that are
unhelpful to us but continue to exist because society wants it to.
Till
next time,, Keep dreaming!!
