Monday, 22 April 2013

Luiz Suarez and other Football disasters.

AM, night. And for some strange, strange reason, I couldn't sleep. This was strange considering that I have what is the exact opposite of insomnia, i refer to it as 'exsomnia', the ability to sleep, especially at night.

So since I couldn't sleep, I started thinking: why couldn't I sleep?? A few reasons came to my mind, mostly footballing, it's not like I'm a football fanatic or anything like that. It's just that some pretty amazing things happened in the BPL or EPL yesterday.

Like the fading Champions, City, losing to a resilient Tottenham hotspurs, after they'd led by a lone goal for most of the match, and the dent it may have caused for my dearly beloved Arsenal's ambition of a top four finish, what were City thinking?? What were they smoking? Everyone knows you have to keep playing till the final whistle.. Seriously, what the hell? Now Tottenham is in a very comfortable position, they are going to finish ahead of us(arsenal)if they win their remaining 5 or so matches.

Oh wait, there is a certain Chelsea FC, also in almost the same position as Tottenham and The Arsenal! So it's a 3-way tie for the 2 available champions league spots, 3rd and 4th. Chelsea, however, have some difficult matches to play, extremely difficult considering that they couldn't lay a mostly bewildered liverpool side to bed.

Talking about a bewildered Liverpool side, I can't help but laugh my ass out at that Luiz Suarez character, what kind of pills does he take before entering into the pitch of play, they'd better be prescription pills, cos he has to be on some kind of drug.

Lol! He actually bit Ivanovic, and this isn't even the first time he's taking a lunch break on the field of play, I learnt while at Ajax in Holland, they referred to him as a 'cannibal', he obviously delights in eating skin.

There are parts of Africa and South America where human flesh is staple food, Suarez is invited to finish his culinary career in any of these destinations.. He probably grew up in one of them.

Then, his hand ball within his team(liverpool's) penalty area, I don't even want to talk about this, it's absurd. He just lifted his hands to the ball. Where did he think he was?? South Africa?? Some may remember his famous handball at the 2010 world cup in South Africa that stopped Ghana from triumphing over Uruguay and qualifying for their first semi finals, ever.

He also scores with his hands sometimes. He pretty much does what he likes.

I want some of, scratch that, I NEED some of Suarez's pills. It apparently makes you lose your mind for some time. Permit my digression, just that Suarez is such a character.

So where was I?? Yes, Chelsea's difficult fixtures. Chelsea fans may crucify me, but I believe they just may not cope, lets remember that they also have Europa league semi final fixtures to think about, it just maybe too much for them.

So this is my prediction.
Arsenal will finish 3rd: obviously. After a hard fight, we will eventually manage to subdue Spurs, who will come in a close 4th.. Then Chelsea, oh Chelsea. They will be unfortunate to play at the Europa league again next season. Sorry Chelsea.

Back to Luiz Suarez, he was nominated for the Barclays Premier League's Player of the Year award, lol! More like, Cannibal of the Year. He better not win, infact, considering it carefully, this write up isn't even about Arsenal or Chelsea or Spurs. It's about the football disaster called Luiz Suarez.

Amazingly, I read on that Steven Gerrard, Liverpool legend thinks Suarez is the 3rd best footballer in the world, after Messi and Cristiano, he's probably got things a little mixed up.

Maybe he can score goals and terrorize defences, maybe he can make dribbles and inch perfect passes and maybe he can score free kicks. Also, maybe he's a dramaqueen and dives way too much, maybe he scores goals with his hands, maybe he uses his hands more than his legs, maybe he eats flesh. Luiz Suarez, is not half the footballer that Leo Messi or Cristiano Ronaldo is. And making him BPL player of the year is conferring a status of 'legend' on him, a status he clearly doesn't deserve..

Till next time,, Keep dreaming!!


Anonymous said...

i thot it wa just me dat had mad hate for that animal. He's an idiot.

Anonymous said...

ow can we forget his handball in world cup. He not a total footballa

Anonymous said...


champ king said...

I wouldn't say I have 'mad hate' for him

champ king said...

it's hard to forget the hand ball. It ruined what would have been the 1st african representation in the semi finals of the world cup.